A Horrifying Possibility

We had some terrible, terrible news on Tuesday evening. Here we thought we were only dealing with arthritis in Brizzy's shoulder and maybe a pinched nerve, and instead our vet told us he was 80% sure our sweet little woof has ... I can hardly write the words ... bone cancer. The horrible C-word. I'm a mess -- Ruth's a mess -- it's too awful to believe.

It came on so fast. Only just a few weeks ago Briz was fine and then the next day he was limping a little. When it didn't improve we took him to our vet who diagnosed arthritis ... understandable since when you lift Brizzy's leg you can hear the little click-click in his leg. He gave Briz a cortizone shot for the pain and sent him home with a full array of drugs, and told us we had to keep Brizzy quiet (QUIET!!) for three flippin' weeks. THREE WEEKS?! What was he, nuts?! You tell me how to prevent an Aussie-Healer from running, barking, jumping, etc. for any length of time?! Hah. And this for a dog who doesn't even know the meaning of the word "crate" or "cage". THAT was not an option, obviously. Instead Ruth and I worked out an elaborate system: the bank is letting her take 2 vacation days a week and for the other 3 days I'm working 4 hours, going home for the afternoon, then going back to work in the evening for 4 more hours after Ruth gets home. For the 4 hours I'm at work we have to keep the Boyz locked up in the house and pray they'll be peaceful, be able to "hold it," etc. Not easy, but we're all dealing with it. Brizzy thinks we're crazy -- especiall when we make him go into his own front yard on a leash (of all things).

This picture is of the spot where they shaved Briz and gave him the cortizone shot. Looks bad, but boy was he feeellliinnn' guuuddd when the shot took full effect. I wish it had lasted ... only two weeks later and he's hurting pretty badly again.

On Tuesday morning I noticed that Brizzy was completely dragging his front paw, and that really worried us. Ruth took him back in to our vet and this time he took an x-ray. Some of the bone has been eaten away ... a pretty deadly sign. But he said it's possible he could be wrong -- it could be a bacterial infection like Cowboy had last year and miracles do happen, yes? Prayers are powerful things. Maybe it will turn out to be an infection, or if it is cancer maybe the Lord will be merciful and will stop it from metastacizing, and maybe there'll be something we can do for his quality of life and he can stay with us a couple more years ... Maybe, Maybe, Maybe ...

I hate the idea of Brizzy having cancer. He is such a sweet, SWEET dog. I especially hate the realization that he is hurting. And I can't even bear the thought of him not being here for much longer. I am really struggling with this. For any of you who may think it's slightly silly to love an animal this much, let me just say that ... well, I hope you don't think like that. It is absolutely possible to love these marvelous beings as deeply as we do a child, a friend, a family member -- and losing them can be just as deep a hurt. At this point (as I told a friend), I'm trying to prepare for the worst while hoping and praying for the best. Pray for a miracle! Or if there isn't supposed to be a miracle, I'd appreciate your prayers for strength.