How do I find the right words? So you get many words ...

[this is a picture-less entry ... but I will be adding them later on ...]

Well I haven't written anything for almost a month ... that can be typical for me ... and yep, that's pretty much how I keep my journal too. I'll do great at journal writing for a short span of time and then I just sort of slow the spinning ... slowwwww ... sloooww ... sssssslllloooowww .... sss stop. You know, I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's the way it is with most of the stuff I attempt in my life. I get going with something new and am very enthusiastic for a while and then I just stop. Oh dear ... that looks like a character flaw looming. (!)

I determined not to leave work tonight until I wrote something down. And then I got to reading my friend, Jamie's blog and was having such a good time and laughed so hard over her sons' super hero Sacrament Meeting, I pretty much ran well into the 6:00 hour. I read many of the blogs from the women in my ward and my out-of-ward friends, and I so enjoy them (Dear Debbie--you got me hooked! I now understand ...). It's getting a bit late and I should get home. But ... I won't. I MUST resist the "quit my new hobby [blogging]" urge! (And Hey - I have GOT to ask Jamie if she minds my linking her blog site here. If she says yes then you MUST go in and read her entry for Sunday, October 26th -- it's HILARIOUS and boy are her sons (Jacob & Mason) creative!!)

Actually there's another reason I haven't written yet. I'm very left-brained and have a hard time doing things out of order. There are lots of things I've wanted to write about but my little anal-retentive mind keeps whispering, "Gotta do it in order - can't get out of order - Gotta write about this first." Sheesh. And I've had a hard time figuring out how to write about this, which happens to be the Big Change that happened in my life (and my dear friend, Linda's life) now almost 3 weeks ago. Well ... in keeping with the driving whisper -- here I go:

Three weeks ago, over General Conference weekend, I was released as Enrichment Counselor in our ward. And Linda was released as Education Counselor. Gratefully, I knew a week ahead of time because Donna (bless her!) felt it would be awful for us to just get a call from the Bishop without some warning up front. She wanted it to come from her -- to talk with us about it first so we would understand. I love her for that. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate one bit on that special, fabulous Conference if I'd been blind-sided by the release. As it was, I had barely recovered from the shock and ensuing rush of feelings when Donna called the week before.

It was indeed a shock, because I had resolved the personal issues that plagued me earlier in the year and had re-dedicated myself to helping the sisters, had begun to see a new vision for where we should head, and felt so SO sure that we were supposed to be in there together -- the 3 Musketeers (Donna, Linda and I) -- to the end. Once the shock receded (slightly) a feeling of sadness and a great, great sense of loss set in. I thought about the women of this ward whom I've grown to love deeply, and my friendship with Linda and Donna (and Donna's secretaries: Barbara and Jennifer) and my four wonderful Enrichment Leaders (Alice Ann, Jamie, Jenie and Corinne), the happiness I've had working with them all, and the joy I've felt in all the many things we've done over the years and I just ... sat there and cried (really sobbed for a while, I must admit), for the loss ... for the change. And funny ... along with those feelings came darker thoughts for a while (get thee hence, you little devils!) ... thoughts like: "I failed; I wasn't good enough for the Lord to keep me in to the end," [and] "I've failed the sisters enough that the Lord has to replace me" [and] "I'm not ready -- I didn't do a good enough job!" I talked to my mom who told me those feelings were natural but they were untrue and were Satan's way of trying to bring me down. It helped to know that.

And then, when I'd had time to reflect I knew it was right. Heck, I've known for some time now that the sisters needed to go in a new direction, and I wasn't the one to take them there. And I was tired -- so tired! Not of the women ... never, never that. But I was running out of ideas and momentum, and I was starting to "get it right" (more or less) when it came to planning and executing. Hah! And isn't that the point where we always get released? When we start to "get it right"? I'd like to tell you something a little shivery too: Donna called Allison to replace me as Enrichment Counselor. When I met Allison and got to know her a few months ago when they moved in, I knew in my bones that she was supposed to replace me. I could feel it somehow. Even "funnier": Allison commented to me a few weeks before this big change that she still hadn't received a calling and she was getting pretty frustrated, and most of the sisters who had moved in after her had already received a calling! And I jokingly told her that she hadn't received a calling yet because she was supposed to replace me. Whew!

So a few of my thoughts and feelings. I can't even begin to express it properly, but here are a few things I wrote down the night Donna called me:

"I can't believe what I'm feeling! I thought I'd be so happy but I'm not. I feel an amazing conflict of emotions. Yes there is an underlying twinge of relief, but overriding that in a huge way is anguish over not getting to work with Donna and Linda anymore (both of whom I love to pieces) and not having responsibility for the sisters anymore (whom I have also deeply loved) and fear over what I'll have to do next and disappointment over not finishing the race and sadness over leaving something that I finally FINALLY have accepted and feel comfortable with! ...

"Over the top of all these other emotions is a deep, deep, overwhelming gratitude to Heavenly Father for this experience. This has been one of the greatest, most soul-stretching experiences of my entire life! And that sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. I have grown in ways I never thought possible and have become (hopefully) such a better person because of it. I have a deeper than ever compassion for people and have learned what it's like to love a whole group of women all at once. I have grown spiritually and oh my gosh! The things I've learned about trusting Heavenly Father!!!! I'm not very good at it yet, but every once in a while I find myself actually believing He will take care of everything. I've had personal witness that He does, through this calling."

And you know what else I've learned over the past almost-four years? Service is sweeeeet. There is such a joy, a satisfaction, a deepening of character when we serve each other. It really can lift us out of dark depths, depression, selfishness, loneliness ... and it teaches us to love more deeply. I think we begin to experience little glimpses of what it's like to mold our character towards the Savior's character. And if we allow ourselves the full ride we begin wanting to help people because we want to and not because we should or we have to. It changes everything when we want to.

I've watched many of the sisters in our ward form lovely friendships, and I'm hoping to have more of those opportunities in the future. I'm also hoping I never lose the friendships I've already formed. I can't believe how good sisterhood can be, and how much I admire the women in our ward. "These are excellent peoples here." And the final nice part? I get to be a Relief Society teacher now!!!!!! Whhheeeee!! I can remember asking the Lord a few months back, "Can't I just take Beverly's place and hand out programs for a while? Or if not, can I teach Relief Society again? I would love that!" I can't believe He actually said YES! I know I probably won't get to teach in Relief Society for a long period of time, but for now ... YES!!!!!

I have pictures I want to post, but will do that later on. Hugs to you all!

I am SO EMBARRASSED!!!! I meant to add a new post with the expanded recipes for Jared & Erica's fabulous Cafe Rio salad (we found the recipes at the following link and expanded them to serve 50 women, for our Super Saturday last October:

http://jaredanderica.blogspot.com/2007/11/cafe-rio-salad-with-shredded-sweet-pork.html. I hope that linked - I'm having some trouble with that tonight. Here are the recipe breakdowns:

JARED & ERICA’S
CAFÉ RIO SALAD WITH SHREDDED SWEET PORK

http://jaredanderica.blogspot.com/2007/11/cafe-rio-salad-with-shredded-sweet-pork.html

THESE ARE THE RECIPES EXPANDED TO SERVE 50 PEOPLE (hopefully)
(expanded by Geneva Heights 5th Ward, Utah)

SWEET PORK [for 50 people we made 8 batches]16 pounds pork24 cans Coke (NOT diet) [we, the 5th Ward used 7-up instead]10 cups8 dashes garlic salt2 cups water8 cans sliced green chilies6 cans enchilada sauce (I used Old El Paso brand, medium spiciness)8 cups brown sugarPut the pork in several heavy duty ziploc bags to marinade. Add about 12 cans of coke/7-up and about 2 cups of brown sugar. Marinade for a few hours or overnight.Drain marinade and put pork, 4 cans of coke/7-up, water, and garlic salt in several crock pots or two large meat cookers and cook on high for about 3-4 hours (or until it shreds easily, but don't let it get TOO dry). Remove pork from crock pot and drain any liquid left in the pot. Shred pork.In a food processor or blender, blend cans Coke/7-up, chilies, enchilada sauce and remaining brown sugar (about 8 cups -- you can add a little more or less to taste). If it looks too thick, add more Coke/7-up little by little.Put shredded pork and sauce in crock pot[s] and cook on low for 2 hours. That's it! CILANTRO-LIME RICE [for 50 people we made 9 batches]9 cups uncooked rice3 tablespoons butter or margarine18 cloves garlic, minced3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice9 cans (15 oz) chicken broth9 cups water9 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice6 tablespoons sugar1 & 1/2 cups plus 3 tablespoons fresh chopped cilantroIn a saucepan combine rice, butter, garlic, 3 tablespoons lime, chicken broth and water. Bring to a boil. Cover and cook on low 15-20 minutes, until rice is tender. Remove from heat. In a small bowl combine the 9 tablespoons of lime juice, sugar and cilantro. Pour over hot cooked rice and mix in as you fluff the rice.
BLACK BEANS [for 50 people we made 13 batches, but it was a little too soupy. We recommend cutting back on the tomato juice – about 1/2 the amount]1 & 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons olive oil26 cloves garlic, minced1/4 cup plus 1 teaspoon ground cumin13 cans black beans, rinsed and drained17 cups plus 1/3 cup tomato juice [try something like 8 to 9 cups instead]6 tablespoons plus 1/2 teaspoon salt1 & 1/2 cups plus 2 Tbsp. fresh chopped cilantroIn a nonstick skillet, cook garlic and cumin in olive oil over medium heat until you can smell it. Add beans, tomato juice, and salt. Continually stir until heated through. Just before serving stir in the cilantro. (**JARED & ERICA NOTE** we added a can of corn, drained, to the beans with a dash of cumin and chili powder, it was AWESOME! We recommend doing this even though it's not "traditional Cafe Rio")CILANTRO RANCH [We made only 2 batches for our 50 people but it wasn’t NEAR enough. Everyone loved the dressing and wanted a lot, and we ran out. We recommend at least doubling and probably tripling the recipe – 6 batches. The calculations below are for 6 batches]6 packets TRADITIONAL Hidden Valley Ranch mix (not BUTTERMILK)6 cups mayonnaise6 cups buttermilk12 tomatillos, remove husk, diced3 bunches of fresh cilantro6 cloves garlicjuice of 6 limes5-6 jalapenos (we like it SPICY so we kept the seeds in it, if you like it mild, just remove the seeds)Mix all ingredients together in the blender. That’s it!JARED & ERICA’S INSTRUCTIONS: ’K so now to make it all PERFECT... Here is how we put it all together: First of all, we bought the aluminum deep-dish pans (they had these at the grocery store, you will know when you see them … they look JUST like the Cafe Rio tins). Lay a tortilla in the bottom of the pan, sprinkle cheese on it, and put in the oven at 375 for about 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted. Remove from oven, add beans, rice, pork, then lettuce (we used the leafy green lettuce) and a little scoop of diced tomato and onions (pico de gallo). We made up some guacamole and put some of that on the salad (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED). We also added a little spoonful of sour cream. Add some crushed tortilla chips (we have yet to find the little tortilla strips), a shake of Parmesan cheese, and top with a few cilantro leaves. Serve with the cilantro ranch dressing and there you have it!ERICA’S WEBSITE NOTE: It really is easier than it looks. It only took me about an hour to make (after the pork was in the crock pot). The rice and beans are SUPER easy -- you definitely want the beans and rice to get the whole experience! Also, be generous with the cilantro. Try it and let me know what you think! I KNOW you won't be disappointed!

Super Saturday - I'm so glad we did it

A few weeks ago (gosh, almost a month ago already!) we had a nice Super Saturday for our ward -- at least I thought it was nice! Hah! I'll bet we're the only ward in the area still having them. Or so it seems. :-) Everyone I talked to outside of our ward said things like, "You're having that?! We haven't had one of those in a long time" or, "Wow we don't do those anymore" or even, "Hmmm, it might be fun to do one of those again ... someday ..." Haha. Yes it WAS a lot of work and yes I suppose it's not the current trend for Relief Society Enrichment activities, but we had enough sisters ask about having one that we felt it was the right thing to do ... for us ... for this time around anyway.

You know, this was my fourth Super Saturday as Enrichment Counselor. Fourth! It's funny because every year leading up to the event I and my Leader(s) have said, "No No! It's too much work. Do we have to?! [whine whine]" And every time we've been glad we did it. It's great seeing the positive response from the sisters and experiencing their enjoyment ... especially enjoyment of the time spent with each other. So worth it -- so worth every bit of effort and time spent. I love these women and I love seeing them delight in each other's company and the projects. AND of COURSE the LUNCH!!!!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmm.

This year we had to work very fast to get it pulled off, because I screwed up and didn't begin working with Corinne (my Enrichment Leader) and drawing together a committee and start planning until way too late in the summer. Our regular little Enrichment Committee had pretty much dwindled down to one or two and Corinne felt impressed to not officially call a new Commitee, but invite sisters who were interested to assist. As always, the sisters who helped were AWESOME. We have such wonderful, responsible women in our ward! It was the same with our past committee members: I could always count on them to do their part, and they always did. I never felt that I could thank them deeply enough for their help. I hope they know how much I loved and appreciated their sacrifices. And I felt the same with our little group this time too. AND I felt the same for those who wanted to help and planned to help (like Jenie) but whose lives just didn't allow for it this time.

I think the sisters who came had a good time ... I hope they did. I listened to the laughter and the conversations floating around the room, and felt a warmth and a goodness. It felt like we were enjoying each other's company, and some were getting to know each other better. I wish I had remembered my camera ... that was my one regret: no pictures. :-( Well, that and the fact that I couldn't free up the committee sisters so they could do crafts themselves, and also I felt soooo bad about getting the wrong thing for the Scrubbies!!!! (Sorry Sisters - it was supposed to be tulle and wasn't it a shock when we opened the box and discover I had ordered nylon netting instead! If you were wondering why your fingers were sore and it was too hard to crochet the stuff ... that's why. Oh Dear!)

Well I'd like to share our craft lineup with you (see all the pictures off the side here, too), but before I do that I want to tell you about LUNCH. Ab-so-lute-ly YUMMMMMMYYYYY!!! (In my humble opinion.) And I am SUPREMELY grateful to "Jared and Erica" (Walker) for their amazing recreation of Cafe Rio's "Salad with Sweet Pulled Pork." They posted it online -- we found it -- we decided it would be an excellent lunch. And then (bless her!) Donna was willing to take over the preparation for it. It was almost too much to figure out and gather up (we had to expand it to cover 50 people) but I'm so grateful she hung in there. Because I'm tellin' ya, that was some good eats. You really should try it out at home -- you'll love it. Here's the link to their website and the recipes ('cause you sort of combine several): http://jaredanderica.blogspot.com/2007/11/cafe-rio-salad-with-shredded-sweet-pork.html. But let me just say that we altered it a little bit: we didn't add near the amount of cilantro they suggested, and we didn't end up toasting the tortillas first. And we didn't add corn. Hmmmm ... if you ever want to serve this to a large group, maybe you could benefit from having the amounts we used. I was going to add that but I haven't gotten the numbers from Donna. I promise to get those and post them later on, for those who might be interested. (I promise! And not a year from now either, as I'm wont to do ...)

I think everyone enjoyed the lunch very much and it turned out to be a good choice for a coolish-warm, somewhat cloudy mid-September day.

I was pleased with the project lineup too, and I so hope that the sisters who were interested in them were satisfied. Here's what we decided to do:

*(1)* "Dinner & Dessert" in a jar. We offered two different dry soups ("Love Soup" which was beans & lentils & rice & seasonings and "Yummy Turkey Soup") and ingredients for two different cookies: "Orange Drop Cookies" and "M&M Cookies." We filled mason jars with the dry ingredients and covered the tops with plaid fabric. Allison had the ingredients all lined up along the tables buffet style and it was pretty quick & easy to put them together. And my but all the seasons & spices sure smelled good! If anyone is interested in reviving this trend for gifts, there are a LOT of recipes online for "gift basket goodies." I just googled "gift jar recipes" and found multiple sites. Here are some interesting ones to try:

** http://members.tripod.com/~HeresPoo/index.html
** http://www.razzledazzlerecipes.com/christmas/gifts/index.htm
** http://organizedchristmas.com/index-gifts-in-a-jar
** http://www.geocities.com/giftsinajar/

*(2)* Homemade Christmas cards using ink stamps, scrapbook paper and embellishments. Allison had several charming designs for the cards.

*(3)* Scrubbies! Linda helped teach us how to make these fabulous little wonders. You know, I had NO idea what a Scrubbie even was until several sisters begged Linda to teach them how to crochet them, and we decided it would be good for Super Saturday. I was curious and looked them up online and was floored by how many websites were out there dedicated to them. Wow! But as one person said, you can't get them anywhere but from someone's hands or at a boutique show. They scrub everything really well ... even your potatoes. If we ever do this again though I will make sure IT'S THE TULLE we use! Here's just one link and it has tons of cool patterns for them: http://www.crochetpatterncentral.com/directory/scrubbers.php. Also here's a link for a wonderful place to buy the tulle (and netting) -- this is the place we used and her prices are very good: http://www.knitsandbitsbylinda.com/Scrubbers.html.

*(4)* Candace put together the most adorable muffin tin advent calendar. http://www.flickr.com/photos/8242509@N06/1855132457/ We used the 24-count tins and each little muffin hole was covered by a scrapbooked square which attached with magnets. In the holes you can put in little notes, or a scripture, or treats or even suggestions for things your family can do each day during December. Hah -- this one just snowballed! At first there were only about 5 of us planning to make them, but as the sisters saw how cute they were more and more wanted to make them. The cost was highest for this: $15.00 because of the muffin tin (well, the supplies turned out to be more expensive than we expected too). I only included the link for one from the Internet - it's very nice but personally I think Candace's is even better. When I get mine made I'll put a picture out for you to see.

*(5)* Becky handled an adorable project we enlisted from a nice site online: Bath Salt Sundaes http://www.sugardoodle.net/Christmas/Sundae%20Bath%20Salts.shtml. We modified ours though: we used Calgon instead of homemade bath salts or plain Epsom salt (didn't want to turn anyone's tub a funny color!), and our colors were blue and green and I think purple instead of pink. We couldn't find the little bath beads anywhere (the cherry on top) so we opted for straws instead. The resulting "Sundaes" were much nicer than the picture I have in this blog -- the one above was our demo and we found better, more sundae-like cups at the Baskin Robbins Ice Cream shop later on. Still, this gives you the idea, no? The Sundae is made up of layers of bath salt, powdered milk, baking soda, a scrubber, and then the bath bead (if you can find them) or a straw for effect. We also put a layer of plastic wrap between the powdery stuff and the scrubber, to keep everything intact. Hey, Milk powder and baking soda, you say?! Yes indeed! They give your bath a luxurious feel and milk powder is good for the skin, did you know that? :-)

*(6)* Christmas stories in a notebook. This was sort of another take on an advent calendar, and I got it from my friend, Karen who did them in her Relief Society a few years ago. We had 24 divider pages (one for each day of December) that included a scripture, a song, and a xeroxed picture that you could color and glue in, and then there is a story to read each day. Karen was kind enough to share the whole book with us so we didn't have to go looking for our own stories or scriptures. They used Precious Moments pictures, but we offered both those and more traditional coloring pictures for those who didn't care for Precious Moments. I think they're very nice and I hope our sisters were happy with them.

*(7)* Hemp or seed bead bracelets and chokers. Our last project -- and the one I handled. :-) We only had a few people doing these but it was so much fun working on them together. I got them started by crimping on the "findings" (the clasps) and the sisters did their own designing and stringing. They were really nicely done. We had Patrice B.'s daughters involved and they were fun -- lots of interest and good energy from those girls! I couldn't keep up with everyone though -- I was surprisingly slower at getting those findings on than I expected. Well it didn't help that I kept distracting myself by collecting money or handling a few managerial things or talking and not working. Hah! They were all very patient with me.

When the day was done I felt the same happiness and satisfaction I felt after each of the other Super Saturday's I've been involved in. It was a nice day. There is a bonding between women that is unique to the female sect ... I think we need that connection with each other. And I think when we have those association opportunities it brings a necessary richness to our lives. It's something we should seek out and foster, don't you agree?

I had the wonderful opportunity of seeing my nephew, Jared receive his Endowments in the Timpanogos Temple Thursday evening. What a privilege and an honor it was to be a witness to that sacred gift. I have nothing but the greatest admiration for Jared and the path he has chosen for his life. He and his sweetheart, Camilla were married a year ago (already!) and at the time he promised her that he would get his life together and take her to be Sealed a year from their marriage. He has kept his word to her and Thursday was his preparation step. They are now scheduled to be sealed in the Provo Temple just a couple of days before Thanksgiving, and won't that be a fun Holiday for our family! :-)

My brother-in-law Frank had the opportunity to be Jared's escort at the Temple (meaning he assisted Jared through all the Initiatory and Endowment steps) and my sisters Sue, Nancy and I plus Camilla's uncle and their home teacher went through the session with them. I was thinking about it while sitting in the chapel waiting to begin -- how there are many things in this world that bring us happiness and delight, but this ... this brought deep, deep joy. It's difficult to describe adequately, the richness and fullness of the feeling. But it's real and abiding and profound. Connecting us together as families -- that is the most important thing in and out of this world, I believe.

Afterwards while we were in the Celestial Room I asked Jared how he felt about his experience, and he said he felt peaceful ... right. And Camilla -- sweet Camilla! We learned the depth of her feelings when she was first escorted into the Chapel before the Endowment began. When she sat down next to Jared, she burst into tears. Oh man! Both Nancy and I were sitting behind them and of course we both cried. What a sweet and touching moment.

So yet again ... I have experienced another really, really good day.