A Briz-man Update - not such happy news

I was going to talk about last week's really enjoyable Relief Society enrichment evening (and I still will) but tonight before I go home I wanted to post an update about our little woof (and mine & Ruth's state of mind(s)).

It's with much sadness (but not with the same overwhelming pain we experienced two weeks ago) I write that once again things have taken a turn and it's now sure that our little Brizzy has cancer. "Sigh." The only reason I'm able to write this without the same deep, raw pain I (and Ruth) experienced a couple of Sundays ago is because the Lord has been so good to us and has allowed us both to come to terms with the possibility that this could be cancer after all. He could have taken Brizzy right after Halloween when it got really bad. And in the ensuing four days it looked as if Brizzy really was ready to go. But nope, that little dog rallied and in the past two weeks he led us to believe he would get well after all. His pain diminished and he perked up and it was so evident he wanted to still be living. So the Lord has allowed this to play out in its own ebb and flow, and because of that we've been given time to accept and even prepare.

What a painful but educational roller coaster we've been on. NOT the kind of education I wanted to have, but it's one I get to have anyway. As much as I want it to be different, I am still grateful for what I have learned and (yes) am experiencing. Isn't that crazy? But true. We went from "What's that limping about?" to "Oh no, he can't walk very well!" to "The front leg is so swollen" to "OH NO, Briz can't walk at all" to "It's probably cancer" to "But he's rallying, and look he's walking again - how could that be cancer?" to "No cancer in the biopsy!" to "Look at the x-rays, I'm 80% sure it's cancer" to "Look how well he's doing" to "If it was cancer it would have manifested itself by now, so I may be wrong and I'm cautiously saying it's 80% NOT cancer" to "Oh no, now the back leg is swelling" to "Now his little face and neck are all swollen!" to "I'm so sorry to tell you this ..." "Sigh."

We both knew. I think as soon as Brizzy's face began to swell and his nose to run, I knew. And as soon as the large lump appeared under Brizzy's chin, in his ruff - Ruth knew. I hope you don't think that our vet has been insensitive or incompetent because he couldn't get an accurate diagnosis right off the bat -- our Little Man is such a fighter he pushed back the symptoms and refused to succomb. Today Dr. Edmonds said Brizzy "had the heart of a lion" and I agree. All through this experience he has fought to get better and has been so patient with Ruth and I as we've administered all kinds of holistic stuff and made him get up and "go poddy" when he didn't want to and petted and fussed and mothered (and probably smothered) him. So patient.

So now ... we wait. He is in minimal (if any) pain right now and we have some STRONG diuretic pills to get all that water out of him, and as long as Brizzy wants to be here and is not hurting, we will do whatever we have to do to make his life comfortable and we will take it one day at a time. Dr. Edmonds said that he will try to get Brizzy through Christmas, but we will see. And we will not let him suffer just to have him a few weeks longer. But you can bet that each day he's here will be relished.

And through this whole traumatic experience, both Ruth and I have experienced so much love and kindness from our wonderful families, our wonderful friends, our wonderful Ward friends. People have been so good to us: no one has mocked our pain, and we have been given phone calls and hugs and pats and blessings and kind acts of service. I don't think I will ever forget the kindness and care we are being blanketed in. I wish I could do for others half of what others are doing for me. I feel very humbled.

Case in point, just from today: Several of the Young Men came over today and for a service project they dug up all those yukky, long stringy weeds that were all over our front yard. We haven't had the time or the tools to get those darn weeds out of that cold ground and they really created a problem for "picking up poops," etc. It may have felt like a simple act of service to those young men, but they really REALLY helped us and I feel much gratitude towards them. And then my friend, Margaret forwarded a YouTube video of the "the Sky Angel Cowboy." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0r_FbARIn8&NR=1. The religious reporters get a little over the top but that wasn't the point of the video - it was the message that God understands our pain because he experienced the death of His own son.

Onward we go - and in the end (if we're lucky) we remember that God is Good, loving someone is worth the pain of losing them, and we never really lose them anyway because we KNOW what awaits us in the Spirit World.